Consistency

As I was reading through my journal this morning, this is what I found:
June 26, 2010
I want to seek solely God. Having him in my life on any condition was complete poison. My heart aches-but not to have him back in my life. I want to live a life completely glorifying to God. I want to reflect His Holiness in all I do and all that I am. I want to be pure and holy-defined by my maker.

July 7, 2010
My prayer to you Father:
Take my heart. Make it whole again. Fill those holes and cracks. Repair and mend the bruises. Let me find assurance and happiness in you alone. Don't let me waste the suffering. Allow me to learn form this loneliness and find myself in you. Define me! Shape my heart. Mold me to be like you. Keep my mind on pure and holy things. Keep me from selfish thoughts and help me accept myself for a masterpiece you created. Bring me back to you when my heart hurts. Let me feel your arms around me. Allow and remind me to realize that the Holy Father, the creator of this universe loves me. Wants a relationship with me. Wants me to long for his presence. Humble me. You are good. Heal my heart. Continue to let my desire for you burn. Help me to model my life after yours.

I consistently long for the same things. I consistently hurt in the same ways. This is almost identical to the post I wrote last night. I constantly struggle with returning to sin, and God calls me back every time. He causes me to ache for him.