Anxiety

Upcoming finals are really stressing me out. Not because I feel like I need to kick their butts or anything. I figured it all out. Even if I fail my finals, I will still pass all my classes. To top that off, aside from my GPA, none of these classes even matter since I just changed my major. So, why might you ask am I stressed? I am stressed because I'm not stressed. I believe I have the most awful anxiety of anyone I have ever met. I was riding the bus home from school yesterday, and I was stressed about the bus driver making stops to drop people off. As we were getting closer to my house, I felt my heart racing every time she would swing that big wheel to drop off or pick up another passenger. My heart would palpitate. What was I anxious about? Walking in my front door? To do what? Set my backpack down, get a drink of water, and start my homework? Man! Sounds like something someone should get all worked up over. My friend told me that it was "deep" that I'm stressed about not stressing over my finals. I don't think it's deep. I think it's silly. And to be honest, it makes me feel high strung. Am I high strung? I'd like to think not. But maybe I am. At my church they passed out pamphlets that directed us to go online and fill out spiritual gift and spiritual shadow assessments. I was creepily surprised by how accurate they were. My shadow. Take a guess. Ok. Not that hard. I just wrote the whole beginning portion of this blog on it. Fear and anxiety. Not at all surprising. My gift. Loyalty, compassion, and a caring heart. Again, not at all a surprise. It says I am a reader and a writer. Ding ding ding. Crazy how little things can say so much about you.....but let's get back to the anxiety. I get ready for outings hours ahead of time, and then find myself anxiously awaiting the time to leave for whatever outing. I watch my clock for when people are supposed to arrive places. I stress over fun weekend plans because I feel as though I should be devoting all my time to my books. I never seem to be "ok" in the moment. I HATE THAT. How do I fix this? I guess like everything I just need to ask God to take control. Dear goodness. Lord help me.