So Blessed

It's the Friday before my Birthday, and I feel especially blessed by the relationships God has put in my life. I am on the verge of tears as I write this. God has given me some incredible friendships and I can't even believe how lucky I am to have these people love me. I went to Snooze for breakfast (pineapple upside down pancakes) with an amazing girl this morning to start the celebration. It blew my mind how genuinely thoughtful she was. I was so impressed by the growth in her life and I don't think in the past I've let myself open my eyes and fully see her for who she is, and God gave me that gift today.  The love in her heart for those she cares about blew me away. What a wonderful woman. A friendship is growing and blossoming there, and I am so grateful for that! My heart feels warm. God is so awesome! And it's awesome to see His love shine through the people I love. Just blowing my mind right now.

Focus During Christmas Time

Christmas Time. What a wonderful time of year. So beautiful to all senses: the sounds, the smells, the lights, the tastes, the smiles. As I sit here at Common Grounds (my mind has exceeded it's intake of information for today), all I can think about is Christmas time. I go to sleep every night with my Christmas tree lit and as I look at the glow across my room, I try to remind myself that those lights represent the light of Jesus Christ. I've been watching Indie Romance movies lately, and they have caused me to reminisce about some my old love. Yet when my mind starts to wander, God's voice immediately fills my thoughts. He is holding me. I'm held tightly in His arms. He is the comfort I need to seek. His is the love I should crave. And during Christmas, although I could find myself utterly depressed because the man I loved is no longer in my life and is not here to celebrate such a wonderful time of year, I am completely at ease and comforted because I get to celebrate the birth of Jesus without distractions. What a blessing!

Anxiety

Upcoming finals are really stressing me out. Not because I feel like I need to kick their butts or anything. I figured it all out. Even if I fail my finals, I will still pass all my classes. To top that off, aside from my GPA, none of these classes even matter since I just changed my major. So, why might you ask am I stressed? I am stressed because I'm not stressed. I believe I have the most awful anxiety of anyone I have ever met. I was riding the bus home from school yesterday, and I was stressed about the bus driver making stops to drop people off. As we were getting closer to my house, I felt my heart racing every time she would swing that big wheel to drop off or pick up another passenger. My heart would palpitate. What was I anxious about? Walking in my front door? To do what? Set my backpack down, get a drink of water, and start my homework? Man! Sounds like something someone should get all worked up over. My friend told me that it was "deep" that I'm stressed about not stressing over my finals. I don't think it's deep. I think it's silly. And to be honest, it makes me feel high strung. Am I high strung? I'd like to think not. But maybe I am. At my church they passed out pamphlets that directed us to go online and fill out spiritual gift and spiritual shadow assessments. I was creepily surprised by how accurate they were. My shadow. Take a guess. Ok. Not that hard. I just wrote the whole beginning portion of this blog on it. Fear and anxiety. Not at all surprising. My gift. Loyalty, compassion, and a caring heart. Again, not at all a surprise. It says I am a reader and a writer. Ding ding ding. Crazy how little things can say so much about you.....but let's get back to the anxiety. I get ready for outings hours ahead of time, and then find myself anxiously awaiting the time to leave for whatever outing. I watch my clock for when people are supposed to arrive places. I stress over fun weekend plans because I feel as though I should be devoting all my time to my books. I never seem to be "ok" in the moment. I HATE THAT. How do I fix this? I guess like everything I just need to ask God to take control. Dear goodness. Lord help me.